The General's Bad Day
by AerinStrifeVII
Summary: Everyone's favorite psychopathic momma's boy wakes up feeling under the weather. But when a mission goes awry on the General's watch, the repercussions of Sephiroth's ailment just might leave Shinra in ruins. Pre-Crisis Core timeline.
1. Angeal's Morning Run

**The General's Bad Day**

_**Everyone's favorite psychopathic momma's boy wakes up feeling under the weather. A mission goes awry on the General's watch, and the repercussions of Sephiroth's ailment just might leave Shinra in ruins. Pre-Crisis Core timeline.**_

**Chapter 1: Angeal's Morning Run**

Angeal woke at 5:30am. After showering and shrugging into his SOLDIER 1st Class uniform, he trudged down to the coffee room and poured himself a cup of joe, preparing for another typical day at Shinra.

Except it would be anything but.

It started normally enough—after coffee, he walked back to the SOLDIER barracks and hammered on Zack's door until the peppy 2nd Class stuck his head out, still half-asleep.

"It's past seven, Zack." Angeal smirked at Zack's unruly bedhead, the previous day's spikes sent into disorder as the puppy undoubtedly rolled around in his sleep.

"Only seven? Angeaaal…" Zack whined, rubbing his eyes.

Angeal shoved Zack's face back into his room, shutting the door. "Training starts at seven-thirty. And _don't_ go back to sleep!"

Once he had received a groan in reply, Angeal headed down the hall to wake up Genesis.

"Genesis," He pounded on the Commander's door, knowing that subtlety wasn't going to rouse the red-haired man.

There was no answer.

"Gen, get up." Angeal tried again, with the same result. "_Genesis!_" Finally, Angeal gave up and let himself in.

Genesis was curled up on his bed, still slumbering away. Angeal shook him roughly. "Genesis, it's past seven. Don't you have a mission around nine?"

"Urrrgh…" Genesis rolled over, swatting away Angeal's hand.

Angeal folded his arms, trying to figure out a better way to wake up his companion. "Aha," Angeal shuffled through the mound of papers littering Genesis's desk, looking for the Commander's favorite copy of _LOVELESS_. Perhaps if he threatened to throw it out a window or set it on fire, Genesis would wake up.

It wasn't there.

Angeal frowned and turned back to his sleeping friend. Genesis rolled over again, and Angeal realized why he couldn't find the leather-bound book.

'_Gen _sleeps_ with the damn thing?! Geez…_' Angeal yanked the book out of Genesis's arms and hit the red-haired man over the head with it. "Genesis!"

Genesis opened his eyes.

"Finally…" Angeal said.

The Commander took his sweet time sitting up and stretching. Then he held out his hand. "_LOVELESS,_ please."

Angeal tossed the stolen play back to its owner. "Late night reading?"

Genesis caught it with a flourish. "But, of course."

"Heh," Angeal shrugged, deciding to leave his friend in peace. "Anyways, you've got a mission at nine. Don't be late."


	2. The Coffeemaker Dilemma

**Chapter 2: The Coffeemaker Dilemma**

Zack stood wordlessly beside the coffee machine, his expression unreadable. He watched the various SOLDIER members sitting around, drinking coffee and trying to wake themselves up.

Zack started his squats. From the corner of his eye, he noticed a guy in an infantryman's uniform walk in and head his way. He saw a flash of wild blonde hair before the infantryman slipped on his helmet.

"'Morning," Zack said conversationally, not halting in his morning exercise.

"Uh, good morning…" The infantryman sounded young, nervous. He held out a mug to Zack. "Coffee?"

"Nah, I'm good." Zack replied.

"Yeah, Zack's not much of a coffee person." A SOLDIER in a 2nd Class uniform and helmet appeared behind the anxious infantryman.

"Hey, Kunsel." Zack greeted.

"Uh, coffee?" The blonde turned to Kunsel, who frowned.

"Sure, why not?"

"Sugar or cream?"

"No, just black," Kunsel answered. "Thanks."

"Okay, here you go." The infantryman handed Kunsel the now-steaming mug.

"So… any reason why you're offering to get coffee for everyone?" Kunsel asked.

The infantryman seemed confused. "Well, the other men in my unit said that for their first month they had to serve coffee to the SOLDIERs…"

Zack laughed. "And you believed it?!"

Kunsel was laughing, too. "Ah, I remember those days. They're just messing with you." He cuffed the blushing infantryman on the shoulder and led him to a table to continue their conversation, leaving Zack to his squats.

Just then, Angeal walked in and waved Zack forward.

"Hey, Angeal."

"Ready to go?" The dark-haired man adjusted Buster Sword on his shoulder.

"Yup, sure am!" Zack pumped a fist in the air.

Angeal looked around the coffee room. "Have you seen Sephiroth yet?"

Zack shook his head. "No, why?"

Angeal frowned. "That's odd. He has a mission at eight and he wasn't in his office."

Zack shrugged. "Maybe he's still asleep?"

Angeal gave Zack a look. "Sephiroth, oversleeping?"

Zack laughed. "Eh, true enough."

"C'mon, let's go down to the barracks and check on him."

_**Anyone recognize the poor infantryman? No? Oh, well... That's too bad. On to the next chapter!  
**_


	3. Waking the Beast

**Chapter 3: Waking the Beast**

Angeal and Zack arrived outside Sephiroth's room. "Well, Angeal." Zack gave his mentor a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "Go ahead."

"Zack," Angeal's voice held a tone of warning. "Knock it off…"

"Okay, but don't blame me if you get your head sliced off." Zack backed away slowly and disappeared down the hallway before Angeal could stop him.

Angeal sighed. "Ever the restless puppy…"

He jumped back when Sephiroth's door swung open abruptly, almost hitting him in the face.

The General's expression was unreadable. "Angeal."

"Ah, there you are. Don't you have a mission at eight?"

The silver-haired man took out his PHS. "Apparently, I do."

'_He forgot he had a mission?_' Angeal's eyebrows knitted together. "Sephiroth, are you okay?"

"No." Came the curt reply. Sephiroth had disappeared back into his room and was swiftly pulling materia out of a container. "I have a headache."

"Ah," Angeal frowned sympathetically. "Should you really go, then? It's a high profile-"

"I will be fine." The General stalked past his companion.

Angeal raised a hand to try and stop him, but thought better of it. Instead he turned back towards Sephiroth's door, which he had uncharacteristically left open.

Something in the Silver General's room caught Angeal's eye. A box of materia?

Angeal's eyes widened as he read the label on the case.

This was definitely _not_ Sephiroth's day.


	4. Having Fowl Issues

**Chapter 4: Having Fowl Issues**

_The Crimson Elite, a powerful anti-Shinra coup based in Wutai, is causing the company problems. Infiltrate a secured location rumored to be one of the Crimson Elite's forest hideouts and eliminate any and all resistance you find._

The General accepted the mission without complaint, but all he wanted to do was go back to his room and sleep until his migraine was gone.

And that's probably what he should've done.

Sephiroth understood how unwise it was to keep his standard stash of materia next to the container labeled 'useless materia found on missions.' However, he had never made the mistake of reaching into the wrong box, so he didn't think much of it.

Until he reached the Western Continent and realized he was stuck with three Chocobo Lures, a Sense materia, an Enemy Lure, one materia that he didn't recognize at all, and a throbbing headache that only threatened to get worse.

An odd sound immediately put Sephiroth on guard and he brandished Masamune.

"Wark." The bushes to his left began rustling.

'_Wark?_' Sephiroth thought, watching as a chocobo poked his head out of the foliage, eying him curiously.

It began moving towards Sephiroth, who retreated in the opposite direction. He was tempted to unleash Masamune on it, but decided against it. The chocobo hadn't really done anything wrong, after all; It was just attracted by the Lure.

"Waark." Another chocobo—a green one—appeared behind him, followed by three others. Sephiroth's eyes narrowed in annoyance. He had sorely underestimated the power of the 'useless' materia.

"Wark!" The first chocobo attempted to nuzzle against the Silver General, who balked and avoided the giant yellow bird, only to be assaulted from behind. "Wark, wark, WAAAAARK."

"Damn birds…" Sephiroth muttered, maneuvering himself away from the overly affectionate birds. He was reconsidering using Masamune to turn the chocobo into choco-kabobs just to shut them up, but stiffly pulled out the trio of problematic materia instead.

The five birds warked and strutted around him, getting uncomfortably close as they gazed at the round, glowing spheres in the General's hand. Sephiroth couldn't take it anymore; he chucked the Lures into the trees, sending the creatures racing after it. He wasn't too concerned about losing the materia—having it on his person was just going to slow him down anyways.

Sephiroth stared down at his remaining materia, wondering if he should ditch them as well.

"Hey! Who goes there?!"

The General sighed and dropped the Enemy Lure into a nearby bush—_that_ wasn't going to help him, either—and faced his foe.

**[A/N: I apologize to those who have been patiently waiting for the next (hopefully) humorous chapter of my work. I've been moving, you see. Anyways, I should have the last two chapters out by later tonight. Hope you're enjoying so far, and don't forget to review!]**


	5. Cat Got Sephiroth's Tongue?

**Chapter 5: Cat Got Sephiroth's Tongue?**

The Wutai warrior held out his spear towards Sephiroth, who didn't make a move against him. Normally, the General wouldn't blink twice about taking down a single opponent, but he could hear other members of the Crimson Elite shuffling in the bushes, waiting to ambush him. One wrong move and he'd put himself in the middle of a trap.

And with his headache obviously clouding his judgment, it might put him in a grave.

So instead, he gripped his remaining two materia in his right hand which was concealed from the enemy's view. One sensed his enemy's weak spots, while the other began to heat rapidly under his fingers. It was a familiar sensation, but Sephiroth hadn't expected it.

'_A summon?_' Without warning, the materia lit up and engulfed Sephiroth in a blinding, obnoxious light.

"He's attacking with a summon!" The hidden Crimson Elite rushed forward to aid their companion, but came to an abrupt halt once the light vanished.

Honestly, Sephiroth didn't blame them—he didn't really know what to make of the bewildering summon either.

A strange cat who was wearing a crown, a scarf, and was standing on two legs grinned up at the Silver General. "'Ello!"

The sound of the cat's heavily accented voice brought Sephiroth's headache to a nagging throb. But before he—or the Crimson Elite, for that matter—could figure out what to do, Cait Sith began dancing.

'…_What?_' Sephiroth watched, an unfathomable expression on his face, as the cat pranced in a circle around him. His enemies were also too preoccupied with Cait Sith's playful display to unleash their attack.

"There ya go!" Cait Sith leapt up and clapped in Sephiroth's face, making the silver-haired man take an involuntary step back.

Sephiroth brandished Masamune, just about ready to impale his own summon, but Cait Sith—either sensing the impending doom it was about to receive or just done with its job—vanished in an explosion of multi-colored sparkles.

Sephiroth resisted the urge to smack himself in the forehead.

"Let's get out of here!" The Crimson Elite began retreating swiftly into the trees, obviously unsure of what to make of the summon.

'_Damn…_' Sephiroth raced forward, trying to halt the warriors' escape. However, while he cut down most of the Crimson Elite, there were a select few that got away.

Sephiroth stood alone in the now silent forest, flicking the blood off of Masamune. He hadn't completed the mission. Thanks to a flock of chocobo and a _stupid _cat summon, the great General Sephiroth had failed to annihilate his opponents.

Plus, his migraine was twice as bad than it had been an hour ago.

"General."

Sephiroth pinched the bridge of his nose, turning to face the Turk charged with overseeing the high-priority mission.

"Tseng."

Tseng regarded Sephiroth for a moment but shook his head, choosing to hold his tongue on the matter. "Let's go."

**[A/N: ...(snickers) I'm so evil... :D Anyways, I was inspired by the Cait Sith summon in Crisis Core. Isn't Zack just the cutest in all those summons? I like the Moogle *puppy dog eyes* and the Tonberry *OMG, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME* summons the best :) Please review!]**


	6. Make Way for Sephiroth the Terrifying!

**Chapter 6: Make Way for Sephiroth the Terrifying!**

The report reached Shinra Headquarters long before Sephiroth did. Unfortunately for the General, Commander Genesis Rhapsodos had been the first to read the less-than-stellar (and not to mention, _highly_ amusing) composition that Tseng had sent in.

Genesis virtually _skipped_ over to Angeal and waved the report in his friend's face as if it were a Christmas present. Zack hovered beside Angeal, reading over his shoulder.

"Sephiroth got waylaid by a Cait Sith summon?!" Zack exclaimed. "Geez, you think the guy's never seen a dancing cat before…"

As if on cue, Sephiroth emerged from one of the elevators. Normally, the other SOLDIER members were keen to keep out of his way, but this time—sensing the animosity radiating off the pissed-off General—were almost scrambling over one another to clear the halls. Even Zack mysteriously disappeared.

In a matter of seconds, the only two remaining SOLDIERs were a very concerned Angeal and an unbelievably elated Genesis.

Sephiroth ghosted down the hallway in complete silence, his expression unreadable.

Genesis put on his most patronizing smile and practically _waltzed_ on to Sephiroth's path, forcing the Silver General to a halt.

"Genesis." The Sephiroth spoke with a barely repressed fury in his icy voice.

"_Sephy_!" The Commander threw an affectionate arm around his lethal companion's shoulder. "How did the mission go?"

Angeal had to admit it—he was surprised that Sephiroth didn't chop Genesis's arm off right then and there.

"Read the report." The General replied curtly, shrugging out of Genesis's grip and stalking towards his room.

Genesis wasn't deterred in the least. "_My friend, do you fly away now-_"

The Commander's _LOVELESS _quote was interrupted when Sephiroth vanished into the depths of his room, slamming the door with enough force to rattle the building.

Again, Angeal was shocked—how did the door manage to stay on its hinges?! Apparently, Shinra was more prepared for the rampages of its most deadly weapons than everyone thought.

The other SOLDIERs gradually returned once they realized the presence of death and destruction had gone. Zack came scampering back, looking wary and heaving a giant sigh of relief. Genesis, however, looked delighted.

"Well, I certainly hope he _never_ feels better." The Commander commented.

"Are you kidding?!" Zack protested faintly. "If he's not better by tomorrow, there probably won't be any Shinra left!"

Angeal agreed with his student—any angrier and Sephiroth would single-handedly reduce the entire building to ash.

Genesis chuckled, the smile on his face positively feral. "My point exactly."

**_Disclaimer: No chocobo were impaled in the writing of this fanfiction… Although, that's more than I can say for Cait Sith or Genesis…_**

**[A/N: I did include a little bit of a Crisis Core preview with the whole Genesis-trying-to-destroy-Shinra spiel. But, it was all in good-nature... I think. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it. And don't forget: Review and comments, please! :D]**


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